Condensing the English Language
Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC, the British Parliament has commissioned a feasibility study in ways of improving efficiency in communication between Government departments.
European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is unnecessarily difficult; for example: cough, plough, rough, through and thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased programme of changes to iron out these anomalies. The program would, of course, be administered by a committee staff at top level by participating nations.
In the first year, for example, the committee could suggest using ‘s’ instead of the soft ‘c’. Certainly, sivil servants in all sities would receive this news with joy. Then the hard ‘c’ could be replaced by ’k’ sinse both letters are pronounced alike. Not only would this klear up konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters kould be made with one less letter.
There would be growing enthusiasm when in the second year
the troublesome ‘ph’ would henceforth be written ‘f.' This would make words like ‘fotograf’ twenty persent shorter in print.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reash the stage wher more komplikated shanges are possible Governments would nkorage the removal of double leters whish have always ben a deterant to akurate speling.
We would al agre that the horibl mes of silent ‘e’s in the languag is disgrasful. Therefor we would drop them and kontinu to read and writ as though nothing had hapend. By this tim it would four years sins the skem began and peopl would be resepiv to steps sutsh as replasing ‘th’ by ‘z’. Perhaps zen ze funktion of ‘w’ could be taken on by ‘v’, vitsh is after al, half a ‘w’. Shortly after zis, ze unesesary ’o’ kould be dropd from vords kontaining ‘ou’. Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
Kontinuing zis proses yer aftr yer ve vud eventuli hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Aftr tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls, and difikultis and evrivun vud find it ezi tu undrstand ech ozer. Z dreams of ze Govermnt vud finali hav kum tru.
Nd, nw, dlytng mst vwls n yzng fntx:
Hvng chzn nglsh s z prfrd lngwj n the YYC, z Brtsh Parlmnt hz cmsnd a fsblty stdy n wys f mprvng fcncy n kmncshn btwn Gvmnt dpts.
Yrpn ofcls hv fn pntd wt tht Ynglsh splng s unsrly dfclt; fr xmpl: cf plw, rf, tr nd thrgh. Wt s clrly nydd s fsd prgrm f chngs t irn wt ths anmls. T prgrm wd, f krs, b dmnstrd by a cmit stf at tp lvl by prtcptng ntns.
N th frst yr, fr xmpl, th comit cd sgst usng ‘s’ nstd f th sft ‘c’. Srtnly, svl srvnts n l sts wd rcv ths nws wth jy. Thn th hrd ‘c’ cd b rplcd by ’k’ sns bth ltrs r prnsd alyk. Nt nly wd ths klr up knfsn n th mnds f klrkl wrkrs, bt tipritrs kd b md wth wn ls ltr. Thr wd b grwng nthuzzm whn n th scnd yr th trblsm ‘ph’ wd hnsfrth b ritn ‘f’. Ths wd mk wrds lk ‘ftgrf’ mch shrtr n prnt.
N th thrd yr, pblk aksptnz f th nw splng kn b xpktd t rch th stg whr mre kmpliktd chngs r psbl. Gvmnts wd nkrge th rmvl f dbl ltrs whch hv alwys bn dternt t akrt spling.
W wd al agr tht th hribl ms f slnt ‘e’s n th lngwg s dsgrsfl. Thrfr, we wd drp thm nd kntinu t rd nd writ s th nthng hd hpnd. By ths tym it wd b fr yrs sns th skm bgn nd ppl wd b rspv t stps stch s rplsng ‘th’ by ‘z’. Prhps zn z fnktn f ‘w’ cd b tkn n by ‘v’, vich is, aftr ll, hf ‘w’. Shrtly aftr zs, z uncsary ’o’ kd be drpd frm vrds kntang ‘ou’. Smlr rgmnts wd, f krs, b plid t zr kmbnatns f ltrs.
Kntnung zis prss yr aftr yr v vd vntli hv rli snsbl rtn styl. ftr twnti yrs zr vd b n mr trbls, nd dfikltis, nd vriwn vd fnd t yz t ndrstnd ch zr. Z drms f z Gvrmnt vd finli hv km tr.
Nd s frthr stp fr th ftr, t mght tk lttl prcts, bt w cld lmnt flly 1/3 to 1/2 f ll wrttn txt by lmntng th bttm 1/2 r 1/3 f vry prntd wrd. Try t: Wth gd rlr, cvr th bttm half f r 1/3 thrd f vry ln --y'll fnd y cn rd t qt sly!.
European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is unnecessarily difficult; for example: cough, plough, rough, through and thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased programme of changes to iron out these anomalies. The program would, of course, be administered by a committee staff at top level by participating nations.
In the first year, for example, the committee could suggest using ‘s’ instead of the soft ‘c’. Certainly, sivil servants in all sities would receive this news with joy. Then the hard ‘c’ could be replaced by ’k’ sinse both letters are pronounced alike. Not only would this klear up konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters kould be made with one less letter.
There would be growing enthusiasm when in the second year
the troublesome ‘ph’ would henceforth be written ‘f.' This would make words like ‘fotograf’ twenty persent shorter in print.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reash the stage wher more komplikated shanges are possible Governments would nkorage the removal of double leters whish have always ben a deterant to akurate speling.
We would al agre that the horibl mes of silent ‘e’s in the languag is disgrasful. Therefor we would drop them and kontinu to read and writ as though nothing had hapend. By this tim it would four years sins the skem began and peopl would be resepiv to steps sutsh as replasing ‘th’ by ‘z’. Perhaps zen ze funktion of ‘w’ could be taken on by ‘v’, vitsh is after al, half a ‘w’. Shortly after zis, ze unesesary ’o’ kould be dropd from vords kontaining ‘ou’. Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
Kontinuing zis proses yer aftr yer ve vud eventuli hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Aftr tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls, and difikultis and evrivun vud find it ezi tu undrstand ech ozer. Z dreams of ze Govermnt vud finali hav kum tru.
Nd, nw, dlytng mst vwls n yzng fntx:
Hvng chzn nglsh s z prfrd lngwj n the YYC, z Brtsh Parlmnt hz cmsnd a fsblty stdy n wys f mprvng fcncy n kmncshn btwn Gvmnt dpts.
Yrpn ofcls hv fn pntd wt tht Ynglsh splng s unsrly dfclt; fr xmpl: cf plw, rf, tr nd thrgh. Wt s clrly nydd s fsd prgrm f chngs t irn wt ths anmls. T prgrm wd, f krs, b dmnstrd by a cmit stf at tp lvl by prtcptng ntns.
N th frst yr, fr xmpl, th comit cd sgst usng ‘s’ nstd f th sft ‘c’. Srtnly, svl srvnts n l sts wd rcv ths nws wth jy. Thn th hrd ‘c’ cd b rplcd by ’k’ sns bth ltrs r prnsd alyk. Nt nly wd ths klr up knfsn n th mnds f klrkl wrkrs, bt tipritrs kd b md wth wn ls ltr. Thr wd b grwng nthuzzm whn n th scnd yr th trblsm ‘ph’ wd hnsfrth b ritn ‘f’. Ths wd mk wrds lk ‘ftgrf’ mch shrtr n prnt.
N th thrd yr, pblk aksptnz f th nw splng kn b xpktd t rch th stg whr mre kmpliktd chngs r psbl. Gvmnts wd nkrge th rmvl f dbl ltrs whch hv alwys bn dternt t akrt spling.
W wd al agr tht th hribl ms f slnt ‘e’s n th lngwg s dsgrsfl. Thrfr, we wd drp thm nd kntinu t rd nd writ s th nthng hd hpnd. By ths tym it wd b fr yrs sns th skm bgn nd ppl wd b rspv t stps stch s rplsng ‘th’ by ‘z’. Prhps zn z fnktn f ‘w’ cd b tkn n by ‘v’, vich is, aftr ll, hf ‘w’. Shrtly aftr zs, z uncsary ’o’ kd be drpd frm vrds kntang ‘ou’. Smlr rgmnts wd, f krs, b plid t zr kmbnatns f ltrs.
Kntnung zis prss yr aftr yr v vd vntli hv rli snsbl rtn styl. ftr twnti yrs zr vd b n mr trbls, nd dfikltis, nd vriwn vd fnd t yz t ndrstnd ch zr. Z drms f z Gvrmnt vd finli hv km tr.
Nd s frthr stp fr th ftr, t mght tk lttl prcts, bt w cld lmnt flly 1/3 to 1/2 f ll wrttn txt by lmntng th bttm 1/2 r 1/3 f vry prntd wrd. Try t: Wth gd rlr, cvr th bttm half f r 1/3 thrd f vry ln --y'll fnd y cn rd t qt sly!.
posted by Tom at 9:49 PM
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